Posts Tagged ‘Influence’

Stop Selling Yourself Short – Be a Confident Communicator Who Changes Minds

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010 by Connie Dieken

Being a confident communicator who influences others is a choice you make each and every day.  Every time you attempt to sell an idea, product, or service, you can choose to:

A) Own your message and go all in, or
B) Wimp out by watering down, withholding, or collapsing to the competition.

I was the queen of watering down when I launched my business ten years ago.  I’d like to think my intentions were honorable – I wanted to get along with everyone in my industry and I didn’t want to sound too full of myself.  But by diminishing my messages about how potential clients could benefit from working with me,  I sold myself short. Worst yet, I missed opportunities to contribute and help leaders learn to influence at the top of their game.

What about you?  Are you selling yourself short? Perhaps you could learn a lesson from this little girl:

Motivational Girl Speech

I’m on a mission to help you become a more confident communicator – every bit as motivated and self-assured as the little girl in the video.  Confident communicators influence others and make things happen. Let me ground you with a few communi-truths:

  1. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome. It’s the opposite of negativity.  Confidence requires that you tackle and wrestle your inner critic to the ground so you project an outlook every bit as positive as the little girl in the video. Don’t choose to be road kill. Confidence is situational – expect a positive outcome in a specific situation, motivate yourself to attain it, and deliver your message to the world, unabashed. You’ll exude executive presence.
  2. Confidence stays in the moment. Maybe the product or service you sell has an imperfect past.  So what?  Every product/service worth its weight in gold has been beta tested and improved in stages.  Stop looking behind you and sounding apologetic as you dwell on past imperfections. Great ideas are a work in progress – your job is to stay in the moment and deliver the here and now.
  3. Own your message or your competition will own you. Don’t let the competition define you by telling cautionary tales to potential customers.  That’s the negative comparison trap.  Instead, spread your own message.  Communicate your unique success stories and watch people gain trust in you.

Confident communicators don’t sell themselves short when they face pushbacks. They don’t come across as defeated when challenged.  Instead, they move the ball forward and confidently change minds, resulting in a win-win for all involved. Now get out there and influence your world!

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How to Conquer Criticism

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010 by Connie Dieken

Goldman Sachs executives were skewered on Capitol Hill this week.  They were sach-ed. The men faced blistering cross examination by the Senate on the firm’s mortgage market and its role in the country’s financial collapse.

During their time on the hot seat, the current and former leaders, along with the prolific e-mail braggart known as “Fabulous Fab,” were lambasted with biting questions and criticism from outraged lawmakers. Unrepentant, resistant, and uneasy, the executives denied responsibility as lawmakers ripped into them.

Can you imagine handling that kind of fiery criticism?  Many businessmen and women are fearful of being blasted in the workplace following presentations or even in team meetings.

As I’ve coached high-powered executives for the past decade, I’ve heard a recurring theme: the fear of criticism. It’s the fear that you’ll be judged harshly or won’t measure up to expectations. This fear is growing because we’re living in a world that encourages cheap shots. Snarky people abound on the Internet and otherwise, unleashing their inner Simon Cowell, judging others severely.

Here’s the problem: fear of criticism is like kryptonite to executives.  It has a crippling effect, draining your power and influence. It can cause you to hold back instead of contributing.  It may lead you to be defensive when well-meaning people offer constructive feedback. Or it may cause you to play it too safe and offer a vanilla version of what could have been a much more compelling contribution.

Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by a secret fear of criticism.  Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:

  • Resist the temptation to be defensive. Do you often jump in and cut off criticism with a knee-jerk defensive reaction?  If so, you may unwittingly escalate the situation.  Cutting off tough critics often causes them to grow more determined. As a result, they may zap you even harder next time. Defensiveness and evasiveness can also turn off well-meaning allies.
  • Keep the criticizer’s intent in mind. Bosses, co-workers and others in your life may offer feedback because they want to help you.  Their constructive feedback may be intended to help you improve your performance, not as a cheap shot or a grandstanding opportunity. Consider their true intent. Maybe they’re sharing wisdom from their own lessons learned. Is it possible you’re overly sensitive to criticism?
  • Ride the wave. One of the best approaches to handling criticism is to listen carefully and let the person finish completely.  Resist the temptation to deflect point-by-point. By hearing their full point of view, you stand the best chance to uncover the real issue and correct what may need to be fixed.
  • Conquer your inner critic. Often, the critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. It can be far worse than anyone else’s potshot. Give it a rest. Starting today, create a positive daily dialogue to overrule your habit of critical self-talk.
  • Don’t be an avoider. There’s an old saying, “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Clearly avoidance isn’t the answer. Turn it around. Face it.  Get the confrontation over with instead of dreading it all day. Often, reality isn’t nearly as bad as the situation you imagined and avoided.

Some people trace their fear of criticism back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that’s gotten stuck in their head like a broken record.  Others have received tongue-lashings from hypercritical bosses and had their confidence crushed.

Whatever its source, learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of maturity and leadership.

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10 Radically Different Resolutions for 2010

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 by admin

Top 10 Communi-lutions to Improve How People Respond to You In Our Distraction-Driven Decade


Most of us resolve to shed extra pounds, get out of debt, or be more organized as we strive to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But as the odometer turns over for 2010, what if we focus on a more professionally profound improvement?

Why not resolve to improve how people respond to you? Think of it as your New Year’s “Communi-lutions.” After all, interpersonal communication is radically different in today’s information-overload, distraction-driven decade, so isn’t it time to upgrade your ability to sell your ideas and lead effectively?

Here are my Top 10 Communi-utions to influence your world in the decade ahead:

1.Stop Informing, Start Influencing

The most important communication resolution you can make this year is to transform from being informational to influential. Stop data dumping like a linear play-by-play announcer. Instead, convert into the analyst – the color commentator. Your goal should be to shape people’s understanding and actions, not to dispense information.

2. Stay in Their Moment

Conquer today’s endless distractions by managing your own attention first. Resolve to be right here, right now when speaking with others. Focus on meeting their needs and values, instead of being caught up in your own concerns. Scan for signals and listen for values.

3. Frontload

Don’t bury the lead. People are impatient and overloaded today. Quickly nail your big idea and marry it to what’s most relevant to your listener.  People must grasp what’s in it for them – pronto – or they will tune you out. Frontloading your message is the antidote to rambling.

4. Use Goldilocks Candor

As a leader, you must get issues on the table in order to improve performance, so using the right level of candor is crucial. Think of it as a Goldilocks test: Not too hard, not too soft – it’s just right. Goldilocks candor prevents two common missteps: demoralizing and sugarcoating.

5. The Eyes Trump the Ears

Vision – the dominant sense – is a shortcut to clarity. Don’t create confusion with an avalanche of words. Use visuals instead of text whenever possible to help people analyze and understand new information, and integrate it quickly.

6. Talk in Triplets

Three is the world’s most powerful number because our minds crave information in multiples of three. If you want to ensure the clarity of a lengthy or complicated message, tap into the trilogy and use portion control by structuring your message around three key points.

7. Tell Stories

Stories have a longer shelf life than mind-numbing facts because they create mind pictures. Like a good movie, success stories and cautionary tales help others absorb, retain, and repeat your information and ideas.

8. Sound Decisive

Most people are surprised to learn that they don’t sound as decisive as they feel. Weak language and habitual hedging strip you of power. The language of leadership is decisiveness. It’s time to stop wavering and start firming up your communications.

9. Transfer Ownership

Let them own it and they’ll do it. People should feel as if they’re volunteering, not surrendering. A sense of self-discovery is often the difference between gaining commitment or compliance.   Shift your ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act.

10. Adjust Your Energy

People constantly monitor you for the signals that you send.  Your vocal, facial, and body signals are crucial for a very powerful reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Most of us need an energy boost to balance likability and credibility, which generates commitment and action from others.

_________________________

onPoint Communication founder Connie Dieken transforms leaders into influential communicators. She’s the author of Talk Less, Say More, named a top business book for 2009.  A former Emmy Award-winning TV news anchor, Connie is an inductee of the Radio/Television Broadcasters Hall of Fame, winner of a Top 10 Women’s Business Owners Award, and an in-demand keynote speaker. You can reach her at Connie@StayOnPoint.com.

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Did Letterman Communicate Effectively to Influence the Public?

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 by admin

LettermanHow you communicate a message has a direct impact on your ability to influence opinions.

Here’s my quick summary of the brilliance and blind spots of David Letterman’s attempt to influence public opinion with the news of his sexual relationships and extortion plot, based on a sequence of 3 habits: Connect, Convey, Convince® from my new book, Talk Less, Say More:

Habit 1 – Connect
Definition:  Capture attention – give people what they want and value so they tune in to you.
This is where Letterman excelled because America is clearly engaged by his story. His brilliance at connecting was twofold.  1) He claimed home court advantage by getting out front and defining the story as an extortion case, instead of letting other media define it based primarily on the sexual affairs. 2) He stayed in his comfort zone by delivering the bad news on his own TV show, behind his familiar desk, in front of a devoted (if completely perplexed) audience.  Like most performers, the late night comic is more in command, at ease, and less anxious connecting in a studio than anywhere else.

Habit 2 – Convey
Definition: Manage information – get your points across with clarity, not confusion.
Letterman’s attempt to positively influence his audience came to a screeching halt at this step for two reasons. 1.) He withheld the salient details, so we’re all left scratching our heads wondering, “Who? When? Where?”  His failure to provide pertinent points has a creep factor to it. Some people are asking, “Isn’t that sexual harassment for the boss to have sex with his staff?” “When did this go on?” “Was he married at the time?” “Was it with interns?” He gave the story legs by not addressing these concerns.  Chances are, his lawyers admonished him to “Talk Less.” 2.) He confused the audience by mixing in jokes with his admission.  The audience couldn’t discern whether it was a joke or whether it was a serious matter, so they laughed inappropriately at times.   I do give Letterman credit, however, for specifically acknowledging that he had sex with women who work for him on the show. At least he didn’t pull a Clinton. He admitted to pulling down his World Wide Pants. (Ironic name for his company, isn’t it?)

Habit 3 – Convince
Definition:  Manage Action – win commitment and move people to act or believe now.
Letterman showed a gaping blind spot in his attempt to convince one audience, but he was powerfully effective at influencing a second audience, which was likely his primary concern.  Let’s look at them separately:

  • Audience #1: The general public. Letterman failed to convince mainstream America that they should stay committed to him as a genial talk show host. He risked losing the trust of many Americans because he could now be seen as “that guy” – the serial cheater. He also comes across as a hypocrite for denouncing other mens’ affairs in his monologues.
  • Audience #2: the Manhattan district attorney’s office. Letterman scored a home run with this audience.  He convinced the D.A. to set up a very quick sting, which lead to the arrest of a fellow CBS employee on charges of attempted grand larceny in the first degree. He got the district attorney’s office to commit to act on the extortion charge and they followed through beautifully.

How will this all play out? It depends upon many factors, including whether Letterman’s sexual partners come forward, what they reveal, whether his wife reacts publicly, and whether the alleged extortionist, “48 Hours” producer Joe Halderman, cops a plea or chooses to go to trial and unearth other facts in the case.

But in the court of early public opinion, winning a mixed judgment on a case as explosive as this is a blessing. Under the circumstances, the approach seems to have worked in Letterman’s favor.  At the very least, the talk show host was influential enough to put an alleged blackmailer in the hot seat right next to him.

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How to Hijack Your Own Influence during Q&A

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by admin

You’ve been leading a high priority mission for months.  You’ve pushed. Prodded. You’ve influenced internally because you believe it’s the most vital issue facing your organization. Your team has invested sweat equity and they’re counting on you to make it happen publicly.

At last, it’s time to present your idea to an audience and influence others to take action.  So what happens when you finally stand before your audience and take your swing at bat?

You get hijacked during Q&A.

obama-health-presser-2It happened to the President of the United States on his home turf last week. At the end of his prime time health care news conference, Barack Obama answered a hot button question that was totally off-topic.  Instead of asking about health care, a reporter asked the president what he thought of the confrontation between Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police officer James Crowley. The president weighed in with his opinion on race relations, ending with the tantalizing words “acted stupidly.”

Bingo! Home run for the reporter! She’d successfully hijacked a presidential press conference. If this was a game of chess, she’d just pulled a capture: removing the opponent’s piece or pawn from the board by taking it with one’s own. The president’s health care headline was toast. Now, the headlines were commandeered to scream of the 3 P’s: the president, the professor and the police.

This is a living, breathing reminder to all of us to be mindful of Q&A so that our message doesn’t become part of an opportunistic takeover – friendly or hostile.

Here are a few tips to help ensure that you don’t hijack your own influence during Q&A:

  • Don’t answer too quickly. If the question is off-topic and hot button, don’t allow yourself to be hijacked.  Gently but firmly respond that the question is important but it’s off-topic and will be best addressed during a more appropriate occasion. Offer a specific time when you will provide a thoughtful answer.  The key is that you shouldn’t appear to be dodging the question. You’re simply deferring it to a more appropriate time and place.
  • Keep your answer brief. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get caught up in your underwear and say something you’ll regret. Long answers often lead to an unfortunate choice of words (think “acted stupidly”) that can bite you in the backside. Talk less, but say more.
  • Bridge back to your key points.  The purpose of your presentation is to influence your audience and drive them to action.  Never forget that.  Use the audience’s questions to reinforce your key points, not to steer the boat in a completely different direction.
  • Don’t let Q&A be the final word. Always have two closings.  1) The one that ends your prepared remarks before Q&A, and 2) the one that wraps everything up after Q&A.  End with power and a strength of conviction that your message is high priority and actionable.
  • Plan for hot topic tie-ins. You shouldn’t be surprised in today’s “anything goes” society.  Think current events.  What’s on people’s minds? Prepare, prepare, prepare.

As a communication coach, I guide senior executives in their high-profile presentations. As the day of their presentation draws near, I shift our focus from delivery of their key messages to preparation for high stakes Q&A.   I ask every  relevant question that I believe their audience might ask to ensure that the executive is influential in driving the ball forward, not backwards. Then, I slip on my broadcaster’s  cap and link their topic to other hot-button topics. This is an eye-opening exercise for executives who tell me it  has saved them from embarrassment, being at a loss for words, saying something they’d later regret, and a loss of leadership influence. It boosts their confidence to handle anything that comes their way.

My inner Girl Scout constantly whispers the motto “Be prepared” in my ear.  Never has that been more essential than in today’s loosey-goosey world of Q&A.

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The Less is More Lesson

Saturday, June 27th, 2009 by admin

mark-sanfordYou heard about the married politician caught trysting with his girlfriend in Argentina. On the day he was caught returning from his fun in the sun, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford held a hasty, free association press conference at the statehouse to drop the bomb.

Three words for you, Governor Sanford:  Less is more.

His rambling admission of guilt was devastatingly wordy and bizarre.  He dithered on about his love of hiking.  He blathered about “sparking” with his “dear, dear friend” in Buenos Aires.  At last, he meandered into a confession.  After finally admitting to philandering, the governor presented his priorities wrong.  He tearfully apologized for hurting his girlfriend before he expressed regret that his shameful behavior had damaged his wife and sons, and that he’d done the citizens of South Carolina wrong during his six-day disappearing act.

The governor showed us how not to meet the press.

As a leader, Sanford’s wordy discourse was far too long and misdirected.  He needed to talk less and say more.

I hope you’ll never experience a moment of truth quite like this one in your career.  However, as a leader you will be called upon to influence the thoughts and actions of others.  Here are a few tips to help you influence intentionally:

  • Don’t confuse talking with influencing. Most leaders think influence means showing up and giving a speech.  They want to look good, sound intelligent, and come across as well as possible.  However, the real goal of  influence is to move people to commit to action. That means touching hearts and minds, not merely talking your way out of (or into) something.
  • Don’t shoot for a quick fix. It’s not the short game that matters – it’s the long game. The Governor will learn this over the coming months as he’s judged by his constituents, citizens and family.  A hastily arranged  press conference (or meeting) solves nothing.  When attendees are caught off guard,  they can’t fully process the information you dump on them, which means that you’ve merely delayed the final outcome.
  • Move people in the direction you desire. Communicate with purpose.  Not just because you believe that a communication of some sorts is called for.  The Governor was too quick on the trigger to address the media.  His goal should have been to get the story out of the news, not to get tongues wagging and create even more drama.
  • Cut the distractions. Did you see the young faces behind the governor as he spoke?  They were smiling broadly as he choked up.  How weird.  Be aware of your surroundings during leadership communications – or make sure that someone else is watching out for you.
  • Keep it brief and simple. The key to communication in the 21st century is brevity.  Attention spans are collapsing. Demands on time are increasing. Master the complex business of simplicity. If you blather on, you risk losing people’s attention…and their respect.

Sanford’s Wall Street wife was far more succinct.  Her statements to the press have been pithy, if  a bit understandably passive-aggressive. So far, she’s winning the oh-so-polite war of words for public support.

Leadership communication is about aligning people to influence their thoughts and actions. I encourage you to be purposeful about communicating with influence.  Take time to distill your message instead of being long-winded.  In today’s world, saying less is truly more.

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Do You Trigger Presentation-Induced Comas?

Friday, November 28th, 2008 by admin

It’s Thanksgiving evening.  You’re stuffed. Bloated. Lethargic. In a turkey coma.

Does this uncomfortable feeling remind you of anything?  How about the last presentation you sat through?  Or worse, the last one you delivered?

bored-seminar-participants1Most presentations are bloated.  They’re stuffed with waaaay too much information which causes attendees to slip into presentation-induced comas. Every fact, figure, and statistic you uncovered made its way into your  over-stuffed, text-laden slides, which left your audience feeling sluggish.

Ready to tackle presentation weight gain? Stop informing and start influencing.

Your job as a presenter is to share insights and analysis to help your audience make a decision and move forward.  Over-informing is a toxic type of miscommunication. Don’t pass on every fact and figure you uncover as you research your topic. Instead, funnel it down into what matters most.

Why is this critical? Because over-stuffing a presentation leaves your audience confused and stuffed.  And confused brains don’t take action. They shut down. Which requires even more meetings and presentations to clear up the mess and finally influence others to move forward.

So fight presentation bloat. Don’t pack on the pounds when you present. Think influence, not information. Your audience will thank you by taking quicker action.

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