Posts Tagged ‘body language’

Witness LeBron’s Deceptive Body Language

Saturday, July 10th, 2010 by Connie Dieken

LeBron James and Dan Gilbert both damaged their global presence with their communications this week. LeBron’s theatrics were a narcissistic nightmare.  Gilbert’s knee-jerk open letter was widely interpreted as an example of a sore loser.

At least Gilbert’s passionate response was fascinatingly transparent and straight from the heart. LeBron’s was purely from the head and didn’t ring true.

Here are seven ways that the man who covets a ring didn’t ring true during his televised hostage release:

  1. Deceptive body language. LeBron did a poor acting job of trying to look humble, furrowed brow and all. His attempt to look “pained” backfired, resulting in him looking uncomfortable and lacking warmth. More importantly, LeBron’s lips gave him away. When he revealed his choice, he pursed his lips. The lips are among the most emotional parts of the body.  Pursed lips are a sign of unvoiced emotion.  He was being deceptive.
  2. Ludicrous use of the phrase “humbling experience.” LeBron said the vetting process had been humbling for him. Nonsense. Humbling for the rich beggars forced to trek to LeBron’s chambers for their expensive dog-and-pony shows. Oh, the money that was wasted trying to lure LeBron.   This experience was not humbling. It puffed him up like a popcorn kernel waiting to explode.
  3. Implausible “I made the decision when I woke up this morning” storyline. This was a blatant, manufactured story in an attempt to justify the suspenseful dog-and-pony show.  No one believes it, LeBron.  You played everyone.  The Three Musketeers knew this decision all along.  You were just satisfying your ego and playing out your plan to build brand dominance.
  4. The phony baloney backdrop at the Boys and Girls Club. There was nothing charitable about it.  You should have held your hostage release at the University of Phoenix or Vitamin Water headquarters.  Your clients were front and center. And yes, we noticed the Vitamin Water bottle beside you, label turned toward the camera, along with the vending machine strategically placed between you and Jim Gray. But funny thing – you never mentioned your OWN kids.  Although asked repeatedly who factored into your decision, you never once mentioned your children or the girlfriend who’s raising your mini-me’s.
  5. Using his mom as his accomplice. As a mother, it struck me as a cowardly move to say that your mother’s morning phone call blessing the South Beach destination sealed the deal. Take it like a man, LeBron.  It was your decision, not hers. And why bring God into it?  You’ve never mentioned the man upstairs before.  Nice publicity for God, but it came across as out of character to the people who know you.
  6. Speaking of himself in the third person. How arrogant to refer to himself  as “LeBron James” and wanting to make “LeBron James” happy.  Who does that, other than a narcissist? A simple “I” is how levelheaded people refer to themselves.
  7. Being disrespectful of the Cavaliers. How cowardly that he didn’t call his team’s owner and give him two minutes of his time before he was dropped on live TV. That’s disrespectful, selfish, and speaks volumes about character.

We won’t even get into how cruel you were to your hometown fans, LeBron, because plenty has been written about this act of cruelty.

We learn who people really are by how they communicate in stressful situations.  We reveal our core, instead of our cleaned up versions.  At least Dan Gilbert gave us a window into his passionate heart. LeBron’s hometown, along with the world,  witnessed the athlete’s narcissist communication. In his attempt to build global dominance, LeBron blew an opportunity to communicate sincerely and from the heart.  His theatrics all came from the head.  And a very inflated one at that.

Did This CEO Hit the Sweet Spot?

Sunday, January 17th, 2010 by admin

Kraft Chairman and CEO Irene Rosenfeld is scrambling to persuade shareholders that her company’s $17 billion bid to buy British candymaker Cadbury is good for both companies. Her pursuit has drawn poor reactions from both Cadbury’s shareholders and Kraft’s biggest shareholder, Warren Buffett.

I’ll tie this career-defining move to the CEO’s habitual Tilt-A-Whirl head movements (see the photo on the right from a different event) in a moment. First, let’s get your head straight on the essentials.

Rosenfeld is seeking to transform the world’s No. 2 food company into an even bigger global juggernaut – but some feel she hasn’t hit the sweet spot with this takeover attempt.

After Cadbury complained that her price was too low, she told investors that she planned to issue new stock to help pay for the purchase. Buffett, America’s most influential investor, responded with a public smackdown; a press release warning her not to sell stock or increase her price lest it destroy value for Kraft’s shareholders. Don’t spend too much, he urged, as he tried to rein her in.  She has until January 19 to make her final offer. Kraft shareholders will vote February 1 on whether to issue more stock. Cadbury stockholders will vote on February 2.

Now, in an effort to convince shareholders and save the deal, the 56-year old CEO is trying to placate both groups. Kraft has posted a video on its corporate website of Rosenfeld being interviewed by a British woman.

Her message in this video is influential but unfortunately, a distracting body language habit trumps the brilliant woman’s point of view. It’s a case of the eyes trump the ears. People must buy into the messenger before they buy into the message. Rosenfeld comes across as a human Tilt-A-Whirl, constantly tilting her head from side-to-side as she speaks.  Left-right-left-right-left-right.  In addition, in an apparent attempt to appear warm and likable, the CEO plasters on a smile throughout the interview, even when it’s not warranted.

Here are two quick presentation/media coaching tips to help you prevent undermining your executive presence with nervous body signals:

  1. Avoid tilting your head. It looks coy and cute.  It’s not a powerful professional move unless you happen to work on the Las Vegas Strip. If that’s not your line of business, keep your head on straight.
  2. Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it. Yes, you’ve heard many times that you should smile, and in most cases you should. But here’s the real truth about smiling: If your smile doesn’t come across as genuine, it can backfire on you. Make sure your smile is heartfelt.

People monitor you for the signals you send. Project a balance of likability and credibility to hit the sweet spot.  Don’t let nervous energy undermine your credibility.  To learn more about how your energy level is tied to your ability to influence others, read chapter 12 of my book, Talk Less, Say More.

10 Radically Different Resolutions for 2010

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 by admin

Top 10 Communi-lutions to Improve How People Respond to You In Our Distraction-Driven Decade


Most of us resolve to shed extra pounds, get out of debt, or be more organized as we strive to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But as the odometer turns over for 2010, what if we focus on a more professionally profound improvement?

Why not resolve to improve how people respond to you? Think of it as your New Year’s “Communi-lutions.” After all, interpersonal communication is radically different in today’s information-overload, distraction-driven decade, so isn’t it time to upgrade your ability to sell your ideas and lead effectively?

Here are my Top 10 Communi-utions to influence your world in the decade ahead:

1.Stop Informing, Start Influencing

The most important communication resolution you can make this year is to transform from being informational to influential. Stop data dumping like a linear play-by-play announcer. Instead, convert into the analyst – the color commentator. Your goal should be to shape people’s understanding and actions, not to dispense information.

2. Stay in Their Moment

Conquer today’s endless distractions by managing your own attention first. Resolve to be right here, right now when speaking with others. Focus on meeting their needs and values, instead of being caught up in your own concerns. Scan for signals and listen for values.

3. Frontload

Don’t bury the lead. People are impatient and overloaded today. Quickly nail your big idea and marry it to what’s most relevant to your listener.  People must grasp what’s in it for them – pronto – or they will tune you out. Frontloading your message is the antidote to rambling.

4. Use Goldilocks Candor

As a leader, you must get issues on the table in order to improve performance, so using the right level of candor is crucial. Think of it as a Goldilocks test: Not too hard, not too soft – it’s just right. Goldilocks candor prevents two common missteps: demoralizing and sugarcoating.

5. The Eyes Trump the Ears

Vision – the dominant sense – is a shortcut to clarity. Don’t create confusion with an avalanche of words. Use visuals instead of text whenever possible to help people analyze and understand new information, and integrate it quickly.

6. Talk in Triplets

Three is the world’s most powerful number because our minds crave information in multiples of three. If you want to ensure the clarity of a lengthy or complicated message, tap into the trilogy and use portion control by structuring your message around three key points.

7. Tell Stories

Stories have a longer shelf life than mind-numbing facts because they create mind pictures. Like a good movie, success stories and cautionary tales help others absorb, retain, and repeat your information and ideas.

8. Sound Decisive

Most people are surprised to learn that they don’t sound as decisive as they feel. Weak language and habitual hedging strip you of power. The language of leadership is decisiveness. It’s time to stop wavering and start firming up your communications.

9. Transfer Ownership

Let them own it and they’ll do it. People should feel as if they’re volunteering, not surrendering. A sense of self-discovery is often the difference between gaining commitment or compliance.   Shift your ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act.

10. Adjust Your Energy

People constantly monitor you for the signals that you send.  Your vocal, facial, and body signals are crucial for a very powerful reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Most of us need an energy boost to balance likability and credibility, which generates commitment and action from others.

_________________________

onPoint Communication founder Connie Dieken transforms leaders into influential communicators. She’s the author of Talk Less, Say More, named a top business book for 2009.  A former Emmy Award-winning TV news anchor, Connie is an inductee of the Radio/Television Broadcasters Hall of Fame, winner of a Top 10 Women’s Business Owners Award, and an in-demand keynote speaker. You can reach her at Connie@StayOnPoint.com.

Did Balloon Boy Take You for a Ride?

Sunday, October 18th, 2009 by admin

Balloon boy matrixThe balloon boy’s dad, Richard Heene, thought he’d convinced America that his eccentric family should have its own reality show.

Instead, he got a reality check.

Why? We were on to him, suspicious of his communication style from the get-go. The circumstances leading up to the Jiffy Pop balloon escapade were telling:  the Wife Swap appearances.  The rant-filled video of the balloon release. The former colleagues calling Heene a narcissistic attention-seeker.

Dad got precisely the attention he didn’t want when his non-balloon boy opened his mouth on live TV. Falcon revealed what six year olds often do – the truth.  “You said we did it for the show,” he replied to dear old dad, talking too much.

Whoops. The family’s alibi just floated away.

So what does this have to do with you in the workplace?  Everything.  We’re living in a skeptical world.  Even when you try to convince others to buy into your ideas and decisions legitimately, people are suspicious they’re being duped. The more you talk, the less they believe. The new default status is to assume that people are pulling a fast one.

In my new book, Talk Less, Say More, I lay out the three habits you need to influence others  successfully in our demanding 21st century world. The 3 habits are to Connect-Convey-Convince®.   Heene’s stunt soared through the first two habits by engaging and laying out a strong storyline, but his balloon popped as he attempted the third and trickiest habit, to convince.

First, let’s get clear about what I mean by convincing, which is very different from manipulating.  The difference is intent. Manipulators like Richard Heene focus on their own needs and theirs alone.  They’re determined to get their way, regardless of their impact on others.  They’ll steamroll, lie, or talk too much  in order to get what they want. Ultimately,  a manipulator’s story doesn’t ring true, so he/she fails to convince.

It’s a tremendous challenge to influence behaviors, decisions and actions in today’s skeptical world. Here are three strategies to help you convince honestly and successfully:

  1. Sound decisive. Stop babbling and backpedaling.  Caught in a tangled web when his son outed him, Heene started backpedaling. He stalled as he tried to come up with an plausible answer as to why Falcon said, “we did it for the show.”  With the evidence mounting against him, dad’s balloon of confidence deflated.  He sidestepped by blaming the media, and he came across as deceptive.
  2. Transfer ownership. You need peer power in order to convince others to buy in. That means you must shift your ideas and decisions to others so they’ll embrace them.  Did Heene have peers in his life who backed him up?  No.  One by one, former colleagues stepped forward to trash the guy. They essentially called him a media whore.  His peers weren’t convinced that he was telling the truth, so we weren’t either.
  3. Adjust your energy. It’s critical to choose the right energy level for the situation.  Mom and pop Heene seemed to have hit the sweet spot for the 911 call and the ensuing police visit at the house.  The cops who monitored the family on lift-off day thought the Henne family got the verbal and body language right.  But they couldn’t sustain it.  Why? Energy feeds on itself. Once the Heene’s went off-script, they were done in.  Turns out the “amateur scientist” was also an amateur actor. Dad’s body language when young Falcon talked too much on CNN was a giant red flag.  Dad’s face, body and tone of voice changed drastically and revealed that he was lying.

Heene’s plan to land a reality gig crash landed, and not nearly as gently as the Jiffy Pop balloon in the newly-ploughed field.  Instead of facing reality TV cameras, Heene and his wife are now facing federal charges. Bottom line?  Convincing is not a thunderbolt event.  It’s not a once-and-done episode. It’s a sequence of events that unfolds incrementally, earning others’ trust and respect.  And that’s not hot air.

Jon & Kate Plus….You.

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 by admin

Nearly 10 million people tuned in for a record-shattering season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 this week. I’ll tie this to you in the workplace in a moment — I promise there’s a business communication connection.  The tension was palpable as the bickering couple, caught up in the cheating chatter, came together for their sextuplets’ fifth birthday party.

We’re talking frozen tundra frosty. Ultra-chilly. These two were so cold, the cameras needed de-icing.

jon-kateJon and Kate scooched as far apart on the couch as possible, closed off to each other, sending undeniable signals that they’re miserable and their relationship is on the rocks.

Despite trying to play nice for the cameras, their body language revealed that they’re merely doing what they have to do to earn a paycheck.  “Kate and I are going through some stuff,” said a glum-looking Jon. You think?

That’s where YOU come in. Are you going through some stuff in the workplace?  Is there someone  who gets under your skin and, despite your best intentions to hide your true feelings,  your irritation or loathing is showing more than you want it to?

Your body talk sends messages that people decode.  They size you up in seconds and draw conclusions about whether you’re credible, likable, or trustworthy. Despite the words you choose, people are first influenced by “hearing” your body language.  Before they’ll believe your words, they must first buy into your body talk.

Here are a few body language tips from my upcoming Talk Less, Say More book to help you come across at your best:

  • Fight the urge to close yourself off. Your instinct is to move away from a person whom you secretly despise.  Fight it. It won’t be a secret if you point your body in the opposite direction.  Remind yourself to unlock your arms, look at them with as much warmth as you can muster, and conquer your desire to ice, ice baby.
  • Avoid Code Red.  Discover what specific situations or people trigger an elevated state of anxiety or anger and learn to manage your behavior during these situations.  You can’t control the other person’s actions, so focus on managing your own. Don’t damage your career by being the person who’s known for giving someone else the cold shoulder or for crumbling under pressure. Don’t just cope with the situation. Own it.
  • Keep it real. Gestures and movements are most effective when they’re a natural extension of the feelings you’re trying to express. But they will undercut your message it if they come across as forced, fake or harsh.  Match your movements to the intensity you want to project and they’ll work to your advantage.
  • Conquer your mannerisms. Unlike gestures that you do intentionally, mannerisms are the unconscious movements that you make, often in anxious situations – like touching your nose, twirling your hair or scratching your neck. Ask someone you trust to reveal your habitual mannerisms so you can be aware of them and control them when you’re dealing with difficult people.
  • Don’t stifle positive gestures. Some people mistakenly believe they talk with their hands too much.  That’s rare.  If your arm movements distract from your words, then yes, they can be too much.  But most gestures are heartfelt and congruent with your words so therefore, they help to improve your energy level. (Just don’t gesture with a one-finger salute, of course!)

We can’t love everyone we work with, so uncomfortable situations are bound to happen to you, either with co-workers or clients. Hopefully, there won’t be TV cameras recording your every move for ten million people to judge.  But in this age of Twitter, cell phones that videotape, and YouTube, you never know who’ll be tuned in next….