Archive for the ‘Leadership’ Category
Sunday, August 22nd, 2010 by Connie Dieken
Being a confident communicator who influences others is a choice you make each and every day. Every time you attempt to sell an idea, product, or service, you can choose to:
A) Own your message and go all in, or
B) Wimp out by watering down, withholding, or collapsing to the competition.
I was the queen of watering down when I launched my business ten years ago. I’d like to think my intentions were honorable – I wanted to get along with everyone in my industry and I didn’t want to sound too full of myself. But by diminishing my messages about how potential clients could benefit from working with me, I sold myself short. Worst yet, I missed opportunities to contribute and help leaders learn to influence at the top of their game.
What about you? Are you selling yourself short? Perhaps you could learn a lesson from this little girl:
Motivational Girl Speech
I’m on a mission to help you become a more confident communicator – every bit as motivated and self-assured as the little girl in the video. Confident communicators influence others and make things happen. Let me ground you with a few communi-truths:
- Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome. It’s the opposite of negativity. Confidence requires that you tackle and wrestle your inner critic to the ground so you project an outlook every bit as positive as the little girl in the video. Don’t choose to be road kill. Confidence is situational – expect a positive outcome in a specific situation, motivate yourself to attain it, and deliver your message to the world, unabashed. You’ll exude executive presence.
- Confidence stays in the moment. Maybe the product or service you sell has an imperfect past. So what? Every product/service worth its weight in gold has been beta tested and improved in stages. Stop looking behind you and sounding apologetic as you dwell on past imperfections. Great ideas are a work in progress – your job is to stay in the moment and deliver the here and now.
- Own your message or your competition will own you. Don’t let the competition define you by telling cautionary tales to potential customers. That’s the negative comparison trap. Instead, spread your own message. Communicate your unique success stories and watch people gain trust in you.
Confident communicators don’t sell themselves short when they face pushbacks. They don’t come across as defeated when challenged. Instead, they move the ball forward and confidently change minds, resulting in a win-win for all involved. Now get out there and influence your world!
Tags: communication, communicator, Competition, Confidence, Executive Presence, Influence, Leaders, motivation, road kill, sales
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Thursday, July 8th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
We are all witnesses, indeed.
We’re all sick of witnessing the LeBron-aThon. Many of you are upset at the athlete, thinking his “The Decision” announcement show on ESPN is the height of inflated egomania.
But let’s turn to LeBron’s communication strategy. He’s opened a “last-minute” Twitter account this week, re-launched his website, and is taking his announcement to live TV worldwide. Yes, it’s narcissistic. But it’s also a sound approach for a man who’s building a GLOBAL brand. This is opportunity communication, as opposed to crisis communication. It’s Tiger Woods in reverse. LeBron’s suspense-building tactic is cutting through the worldwide media clutter and claiming his space at the top of the mountain. LeBron is owning his message instead of letting others control it.
Operation “Billionaire Communicator” has begun. From puff of chalk to puffed-up ego.
At last, LeBron’s desire for global dominance is visibly in full swing with his newly-launched communication approach. The millionaire-to-millionaire dog and pony show presentation pitches have come and gone. But if you think the media coverage of the courtship has been maddening, imaging the frenzy after the decision is announced tonight. You could fill an hour-long show about it.
Whoops. LeBron’s a step ahead of us.
He already knows the media will be clamoring for the reasoning behind his decision and the impact it will have on the hostage cities involved, so LeBron is managing the situation by being live on the global leader in sports, ESPN. With the Boys and Girls Club as his beneficiary backdrop, to boot. It’s opportunity communication when you know you’re going to break four cities’ hearts but you want time to explain yourself beyond a sound bite. Basketball fans in the losing cities will disgustedly change the channel as soon as he drops them like a hot potato. But the rest of the GLOBE will be watching.
And that, I suspect, is the heart of the LeBron James Operation Billionaire Communicator plan. Global dominance.
Tags: communication, LeBron James
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Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
You might be surprised at how many executives say they lack confidence in front of audiences and want to gain the skill.
Here’s a nerve-wracking experience that I keep in mind as I coach high-powered leaders who want to improve their presentation skills. It starts in my rear view mirror, back when I was sixteen years old. My high school business teacher entered me in the Future Business Leaders of America speech contest. First of all, you should know that I had never given a speech before. Secondly, I was raised in a humble family in a tiny Indiana farm town, so I had no clue what topic to choose for a business speech. I certainly didn’t have any compelling business nuggets that would rock Wall Street to its core.
As the deadline to select my topic approached, and with no sudden emergence of business acuity, I chose a simple, safe speech title: “Confidence is the Key.” Yes, I know – my topic choice was part lame, part prophetic.
When the day of the speech arrived, I stood before the audience in my self-styled seersucker suit with a homemade poster as my visual. The poster was canary yellow, featuring a giant black key that I’d cut out of construction paper and carefully glued next to my emphatic magic marker title. You get the level of sophistication. Unlike a James Bond Martini, I was shaken and stirred as I dug deep and delivered my heart-felt message. I’ll get to the outcome of the contest in a moment – it’s pertinent, I promise.
Luckily, my grasp of presentation skills has evolved a bit since high school, so here are a few secrets to help you become a remarkably confident communicator, despite your nerves:
- Forget the underwear. The solution to overcoming nerves is not to picture the audience in their underwear – that’s a tired old tale. Instead, the smart solution is to shift your focus to serving the audience. Make this your new presentation mantra: the purpose of my presentation is the people. The people. It’s not about creating killer slides. Not about seeing how much information you can cram in. Not about whether your mouth is dry or you’re sweating through your jacket. Your mission is to create a positive experience that will influence people to act. Shift your focus to serving the audience and an amazing transformation will happen.
- Confidence is situational. If you think self-confidence and self-esteem are interchangeable words, hit the reset button. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. It’s very different from self-esteem and your underlying sense of worth. The key to a confident presentation is to prepare for the specific situation. Smart preparation will help you wrestle your nerves to the ground. Expect a positive outcome in this one specific situation, prepare for it with a sound strategy, and you’ll achieve it. Every time.
- Lacking confidence is selfish. You read that right. It sounds harsh, so let me explain. If you lack confidence in a presentation it means that you’re focusing your attention squarely on yourself. Everyone gets butterflies before presenting. I know I still do. But butterflies are actually a good sign because it means that you’re taking the presentation seriously. You have a choice: you can let the butterflies undermine the situation by focusing on your own feelings — or you can use them as an edge to redirect your focus and take your audience to a higher level.
- Forget perfection – think excellence. Please understand that this is a huge statement coming from a recovering perfectionist. When you stop worrying about being flawless, people will start relating to you. Aim for excellence instead of absolute perfection. Truth be told, people see right through the illusion of perfection anyway and value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Spewing endless, perfect factoids with a flawless style leaves people cold and that’s a confidence killer.
- Don’t slip into “presentation mode.” Do you morph into a faux-heavyweight version of yourself when you present? Stay centered. You’re good enough. If there’s a glitch, stay light and handle it graciously or humorously. Turn mistakes into advantages. You’ll light a fire by aiming for people’s hearts, not their heads. Take the pressure off of yourself and see how much better people respond to you. Isn’t that the point of business communication – getting a positive response?
Since you’ve stuck around this long, I’ll share how my high school business speech contest ended. The sixteen year old mini-me surprised myself by winning the state and regional contests with my “Confidence is the Key” presentation. I then packed up my poster board and boarded my first-ever airplane to the national finals where I became the top loser in America. In other words, I was first runner-up nationwide. The judges chose an experienced eighteen year with big city business ideas as the top Future Business Leaders of America speech winner.
Rightfully so. The winning speech was content-rich and well-delivered. I learned that content and delivery are equally important to your success and I’m passionate about sharing the secrets to reaching this presentation nirvana with executives today.
Clearly, confidence is a key to business success. But I don’t recommend a goofy poster board.
Tags: communication, Communication Skills, Confidence, Connie Dieken, Excellence, Perfection, Presentation Skills, Presentations, Self-Esteem, Speech
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Tuesday, April 27th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
Goldman Sachs executives were skewered on Capitol Hill this week. They were sach-ed. The men faced blistering cross examination by the Senate on the firm’s mortgage market and its role in the country’s financial collapse.
During their time on the hot seat, the current and former leaders, along with the prolific e-mail braggart known as “Fabulous Fab,” were lambasted with biting questions and criticism from outraged lawmakers. Unrepentant, resistant, and uneasy, the executives denied responsibility as lawmakers ripped into them.
Can you imagine handling that kind of fiery criticism? Many businessmen and women are fearful of being blasted in the workplace following presentations or even in team meetings.
As I’ve coached high-powered executives for the past decade, I’ve heard a recurring theme: the fear of criticism. It’s the fear that you’ll be judged harshly or won’t measure up to expectations. This fear is growing because we’re living in a world that encourages cheap shots. Snarky people abound on the Internet and otherwise, unleashing their inner Simon Cowell, judging others severely.
Here’s the problem: fear of criticism is like kryptonite to executives. It has a crippling effect, draining your power and influence. It can cause you to hold back instead of contributing. It may lead you to be defensive when well-meaning people offer constructive feedback. Or it may cause you to play it too safe and offer a vanilla version of what could have been a much more compelling contribution.
Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by a secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
- Resist the temptation to be defensive. Do you often jump in and cut off criticism with a knee-jerk defensive reaction? If so, you may unwittingly escalate the situation. Cutting off tough critics often causes them to grow more determined. As a result, they may zap you even harder next time. Defensiveness and evasiveness can also turn off well-meaning allies.
- Keep the criticizer’s intent in mind. Bosses, co-workers and others in your life may offer feedback because they want to help you. Their constructive feedback may be intended to help you improve your performance, not as a cheap shot or a grandstanding opportunity. Consider their true intent. Maybe they’re sharing wisdom from their own lessons learned. Is it possible you’re overly sensitive to criticism?
- Ride the wave. One of the best approaches to handling criticism is to listen carefully and let the person finish completely. Resist the temptation to deflect point-by-point. By hearing their full point of view, you stand the best chance to uncover the real issue and correct what may need to be fixed.
- Conquer your inner critic. Often, the critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. It can be far worse than anyone else’s potshot. Give it a rest. Starting today, create a positive daily dialogue to overrule your habit of critical self-talk.
- Don’t be an avoider. There’s an old saying, “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Clearly avoidance isn’t the answer. Turn it around. Face it. Get the confrontation over with instead of dreading it all day. Often, reality isn’t nearly as bad as the situation you imagined and avoided.
Some people trace their fear of criticism back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that’s gotten stuck in their head like a broken record. Others have received tongue-lashings from hypercritical bosses and had their confidence crushed.
Whatever its source, learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of maturity and leadership.
Tags: communication, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Criticism, Fabulous Fab, Fear of criticism, Goldman Sachs, Influence, Leadership, Senate, Simon Cowell
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Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
The world’s most famous athlete and a two-time presidential contender both torpedoed their careers with their self-destructive narcissism. Tiger Woods referred to his ego- maniacal state as a “sense of entitlement” in his televised mea culpa. John Edwards outed himself as a narcissist in an ABC interview after he was caught cheating on his cancer-stricken wife.
Perhaps there’s someone in your world who’s narcissistic. You may find it challenging to communicate with a person who’s grown accustomed to being puffed up by praise and attention. Surrounded by deferential people – their power walls adorned with plaques – they’ve become bloated versions of themselves. How do you get your message across to a person with an inflated ego?
Let’s back up for a moment. You may not have put a label on their behavior, but here are a few clues to help you identify the egomaniac in your life. You can often peg a narcissist by their:
- grandiose sense of self-importance
- self-absorption
- sense of entitlement
- impulsiveness
- craving for excessive admiration
- preoccupation with power
- lack of empathy
- judgmental, critical nature
- belief that rules don’t apply to them
- intolerance to setbacks or slights
- explosive anger when frustrated
Know anyone like that? Let’s set aside their vanity (and their sexual vitality in the case of our two high-profile narcissists) and focus on their behavior towards YOU when they get frustrated. Ever been the target of a narcissist’s anger or condemnation? Their once-charming personality morphs into melt-down mode. They lob verbal grenades at you and howl at the moon. It’s painful to be on the receiving end of their demanding, demeaning behavior.
Here are 5 quick tips to help you communicate more effectively with a narcissist:
- Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. It’s far better to offer them options to choose from, rather than feeding them ready-made decisions. They’ll tear other people’s decisions to shreds. Giving them options helps them feel respected and in control. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
- Focus on solutions, not problems. When you explain a problem or a challenge to a narcissist, direct attention to the solution. Don’t allow them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Define problems and present possible solutions, so they don’t smell blood in the water and tear you apart.
- Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are at it and watch them perform. Better yet, praise their performance in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
- Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Why do they do that? Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. Grabbing credit is a driving force for them. If this gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on – wink, wink. Meantime, graciously transferring credit for ideas to them makes things happen.
- Manage their emotional blind spot. Egomaniacs lack empathy. They’re so caught up in their own world that it doesn’t occur to them to consider your feelings or viewpoints. It’s a huge blind spot. You must put your own feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about sharing feelings with a narcissist. Brace yourself for the guilt trips and disparaging criticism that narcissists often dole out when others explain how they feel.
For those of you stuck in a tough relationship – either professionally or personally – I hope you’ll find these tips helpful and will pass them on to others who need them. I believe the key to communicating successfully with a narcissist is to smartly manage the relationship, not just cope with it.
Tags: Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Egomaniac, John Edwards, narcissism, Tiger Woods
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Monday, February 1st, 2010 by admin
Did you read the headlines? “Jackson Kids Steal the Show!” the news articles proclaimed, calling the appearance of Michael Jackson’s two eldest children the most memorable moment of the 52nd annual Grammy Awards Show.
What does this have to do with communication skills, you ask? Everything. In a room filled with big egos, these two young people nailed the three things that you must do as a 21st century communicator: they got attention, got to the point, and got results – and so can you. These skills are crucial whether you’re presenting your ideas to big egos, big wallets, or big knuckleheads.
This post is not about Michael Jackson’s kids on stage. Believe it or not, it’s about what you can learn from Michael’s approach to presentation skills that can transform and elevate your presentations forever. Turns out, Michael Jackson was not just a performer, he was the ultimate presenter. He was every bit as good or even better than the much-heralded Steve Jobs at presenting ideas that people respond to.
I was struck by what businesspeople can learn by watching the newly released video chronicling Michael’s stage preparations for his planned final shows in London, “This is It.” Here are 3 quick lessons:
1. The best presentations are built around your relationship with the audience
At the end of the film, you’ll see Michael and the crew gather in a large circle on stage. Director Kenny Ortega asks Michael to share a few words. Listen closely – what Michael says is the the stamp of a true presentation genius. He tells the crew that a successful show is not based upon the dance moves, or the special effects, or even on him. It’s a presenter’s relationship with the audience that matters most. Success is attained by the way you make people feel while they’re in your presence. Lesson: don’t get caught up in worrying about yourself or your slides during a presentation. Zero in on your relationship with the audience. Make their experience the king of the show and you’ll earn positive responses.
2. When you elevate others, everyone wins (including you)
Watch how Michael brings out the best in others. He stays gracious and kindhearted as he coaches the musicians, singers, and dancers during the rehearsals. He’s 100% clear on what he wants from others, yet he doesn’t come across as all high and mighty or a taskmaster. As a result, Michael Jackson draws the best possible performance out of everyone around him. Lesson: Stay relaxed, gracious, and humble at your presentations. Don’t let anxiety or pressure get the best of you. The most effective presenters are thoughtful, inspiring leaders who play well in the sandbox.
3. Who’s the one communicator you should listen to most?
Why there were so many hours of rehearsal footage filmed prior to the concert run? Michael Jackson studied the “dailies.” He knew that he was in the connecting business, so he wanted to see how his “presentations” would come across to audiences from the stage, even before the seats were filled. Chances are you hate to see yourself on tape. Heck, I avoided watching tapes of myself during many years in the broadcast TV business. But, ironically, as an executive coach I finally discovered the true power of videotaped assessments – they allow you to see the real you. As Michael Jackson clearly understood, there’s one communicator that you should listen to as much as possible – and that’s you. Study videotapes to hone your presentation’s content, your true voice, and your executive presence and you’ll earn a positive response from every audience.
Tags: Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Grammy Awards, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson's Kids, Paris Jackson, Presentation Skills, Prince Jackson, This Is It
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Sunday, January 17th, 2010 by admin
Kraft Chairman and CEO Irene Rosenfeld is scrambling to persuade shareholders that her company’s $17 billion bid to buy British candymaker Cadbury is good for both companies. Her pursuit has drawn poor reactions from both Cadbury’s shareh
olders and Kraft’s biggest shareholder, Warren Buffett.
I’ll tie this career-defining move to the CEO’s habitual Tilt-A-Whirl head movements (see the photo on the right from a different event) in a moment. First, let’s get your head straight on the essentials.
Rosenfeld is seeking to transform the world’s No. 2 food company into an even bigger global juggernaut – but some feel she hasn’t hit the sweet spot with this takeover attempt.
After Cadbury complained that her price was too low, she told investors that she planned to issue new stock to help pay for the purchase. Buffett, America’s most influential investor, responded with a public smackdown; a press release warning her not to sell stock or increase her price lest it destroy value for Kraft’s shareholders. Don’t spend too much, he urged, as he tried to rein her in. She has until January 19 to make her final offer. Kraft shareholders will vote February 1 on whether to issue more stock. Cadbury stockholders will vote on February 2.
Now, in an effort to convince shareholders and save the deal, the 56-year old CEO is trying to placate both groups. Kraft has posted a video on its corporate website of Rosenfeld being interviewed by a British woman.
Her message in this video is influential but unfortunately, a distracting body language habit trumps the brilliant woman’s point of view. It’s a case of the eyes trump the ears. People must buy into the messenger before they buy into the message. Rosenfeld comes across as a human Tilt-A-Whirl, constantly tilting her head from side-to-side as she speaks. Left-right-left-right-left-right. In addition, in an apparent attempt to appear warm and likable, the CEO plasters on a smile throughout the interview, even when it’s not warranted.
Here are two quick presentation/media coaching tips to help you prevent undermining your executive presence with nervous body signals:
- Avoid tilting your head. It looks coy and cute. It’s not a powerful professional move unless you happen to work on the Las Vegas Strip. If that’s not your line of business, keep your head on straight.
- Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it. Yes, you’ve heard many times that you should smile, and in most cases you should. But here’s the real truth about smiling: If your smile doesn’t come across as genuine, it can backfire on you. Make sure your smile is heartfelt.
People monitor you for the signals you send. Project a balance of likability and credibility to hit the sweet spot. Don’t let nervous energy undermine your credibility. To learn more about how your energy level is tied to your ability to influence others, read chapter 12 of my book, Talk Less, Say More.
Tags: body language, Cadbury, CEO, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Executive Presence, Irene Rosenfeld, Kraft, Media Skills, Presentation Skills, tips, Warren Buffett
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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 by admin
Top 10 Communi-lutions to Improve How People Respond to You In Our Distraction-Driven Decade
Most of us resolve to shed extra pounds, get out of debt, or be more organized as we strive to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But as the odometer turns over for 2010, what if we focus on a more professionally profound improvement?
Why not resolve to improve how people respond to you? Think of it as your New Year’s “Communi-lutions.” After all, interpersonal communication is radically different in today’s information-overload, distraction-driven decade, so isn’t it time to upgrade your ability to sell your ideas and lead effectively?
Here are my Top 10 Communi-utions to influence your world in the decade ahead:
1.Stop Informing, Start Influencing
The most important communication resolution you can make this year is to transform from being informational to influential. Stop data dumping like a linear play-by-play announcer. Instead, convert into the analyst – the color commentator. Your goal should be to shape people’s understanding and actions, not to dispense information.
2. Stay in Their Moment
Conquer today’s endless distractions by managing your own attention first. Resolve to be right here, right now when speaking with others. Focus on meeting their needs and values, instead of being caught up in your own concerns. Scan for signals and listen for values.
3. Frontload
Don’t bury the lead. People are impatient and overloaded today. Quickly nail your big idea and marry it to what’s most relevant to your listener. People must grasp what’s in it for them – pronto – or they will tune you out. Frontloading your message is the antidote to rambling.
4. Use Goldilocks Candor
As a leader, you must get issues on the table in order to improve performance, so using the right level of candor is crucial. Think of it as a Goldilocks test: Not too hard, not too soft – it’s just right. Goldilocks candor prevents two common missteps: demoralizing and sugarcoating.
5. The Eyes Trump the Ears
Vision – the dominant sense – is a shortcut to clarity. Don’t create confusion with an avalanche of words. Use visuals instead of text whenever possible to help people analyze and understand new information, and integrate it quickly.
6. Talk in Triplets
Three is the world’s most powerful number because our minds crave information in multiples of three. If you want to ensure the clarity of a lengthy or complicated message, tap into the trilogy and use portion control by structuring your message around three key points.
7. Tell Stories
Stories have a longer shelf life than mind-numbing facts because they create mind pictures. Like a good movie, success stories and cautionary tales help others absorb, retain, and repeat your information and ideas.
8. Sound Decisive
Most people are surprised to learn that they don’t sound as decisive as they feel. Weak language and habitual hedging strip you of power. The language of leadership is decisiveness. It’s time to stop wavering and start firming up your communications.
9. Transfer Ownership
Let them own it and they’ll do it. People should feel as if they’re volunteering, not surrendering. A sense of self-discovery is often the difference between gaining commitment or compliance. Shift your ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act.
10. Adjust Your Energy
People constantly monitor you for the signals that you send. Your vocal, facial, and body signals are crucial for a very powerful reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Most of us need an energy boost to balance likability and credibility, which generates commitment and action from others.
_________________________
onPoint Communication founder Connie Dieken transforms leaders into influential communicators. She’s the author of Talk Less, Say More, named a top business book for 2009. A former Emmy Award-winning TV news anchor, Connie is an inductee of the Radio/Television Broadcasters Hall of Fame, winner of a Top 10 Women’s Business Owners Award, and an in-demand keynote speaker. You can reach her at Connie@StayOnPoint.com.
Tags: body language, Candor, communication, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Influence, Leadership, New Years Resolutions, Storytelling
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Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 by admin
There sure are a lot of high profile apologies floating around this week – Kayne West, Serena Williams, Rep. Joe Wilson. Which brings me to you.
Apologizing effectively can bolster your credibility and convince others to change their minds and take action.
Don’t toss around “I’m sorry” like a football on Thanksgiving Day. Some people rush to retract big transgressions merely to protect their backsides, which is perceived as insincere. Others over-apologize for small acts, dripping with contrition, which damages their credibility. Both of these tactics are ineffective. Like antibiotics, apologies become ineffective with misuse.
The trick is to understand the art of the apology and follow the right steps. Here are some tips straight from page 124 of my new book, Talk Less, Say More, to generate goodwill with a contrite but classy apology:
- Don’t sidestep. If an issue embarrasses you, you might instinctively avoid it in an effort to save face. Instead, you’ll look insensitive. A good, honest apology mends relationships and reputations.
- Hit the hot button. Focus specifically on the emotional hot button. If you’re criticized for being irresponsible, for example, apologize for your lack of judgment.
- State the solution. If there’s a remedy to your transgression, share exactly how you’re going to make it right. This will prevent future arrows from being slung at you.
- Focus on the recipient. An apology involves much more than a quick “Oops–sorry!” Make sure the recipient knows that you fully understand the impact of your transgression and that you won’t let it happen again.
- Don’t blame the victim. You’ll sound pompous and insincere. Don’t begin with “If I offended anybody…” That sounds like you’re blaming a resentful person for being overly sensitive to remarks that you feel you obviously didn’t intend as an affront. Instead, take responsibility. Say something like, “I offended you and I’m sorry.“
- Time is of the essence. Apologize as soon as possible. In today’s Internet age, you can’t wait for the Web to spread bad things before you express your contrition, or people will be convinced that you’re guilty and don’t care.
- Don’t inflict wounds. Likes like “No offense, but…” and “Don’t take this personally, but…” are passive-aggressive. You’re saying one thing, but you mean the opposite. What you’re about to say is personal and yes, it’s likely to offend. So instead of qualifying it, be honest and get to the point kindly but decisively.
Let’s face it – we’re all human. Which means that we’re all prone to messing up and hurting someone else’s feelings from time to time, even when we don’t intend to. Hopefully your transgressions won’t be as huge or as public as the ones you’ve witnessed this week on Rude Tube. The key to apologize effectively is to handle it directly, sincerely, and as swiftly as possible.
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Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by admin
You’ve been leading a high priority mission for months. You’ve pushed. Prodded. You’ve influenced internally because you believe it’s the most vital issue facing your organization. Your team has invested sweat equity and they’re counting on you to make it happen publicly.
At last, it’s time to present your idea to an audience and influence others to take action. So what happens when you finally stand before your audience and take your swing at bat?
You get hijacked during Q&A.
It happened to the President of the United States on his home turf last week. At the end of his prime time health care news conference, Barack Obama answered a hot button question that was totally off-topic. Instead of asking about health care, a reporter asked the president what he thought of the confrontation between Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police officer James Crowley. The president weighed in with his opinion on race relations, ending with the tantalizing words “acted stupidly.”
Bingo! Home run for the reporter! She’d successfully hijacked a presidential press conference. If this was a game of chess, she’d just pulled a capture: removing the opponent’s piece or pawn from the board by taking it with one’s own. The president’s health care headline was toast. Now, the headlines were commandeered to scream of the 3 P’s: the president, the professor and the police.
This is a living, breathing reminder to all of us to be mindful of Q&A so that our message doesn’t become part of an opportunistic takeover – friendly or hostile.
Here are a few tips to help ensure that you don’t hijack your own influence during Q&A:
- Don’t answer too quickly. If the question is off-topic and hot button, don’t allow yourself to be hijacked. Gently but firmly respond that the question is important but it’s off-topic and will be best addressed during a more appropriate occasion. Offer a specific time when you will provide a thoughtful answer. The key is that you shouldn’t appear to be dodging the question. You’re simply deferring it to a more appropriate time and place.
- Keep your answer brief. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get caught up in your underwear and say something you’ll regret. Long answers often lead to an unfortunate choice of words (think “acted stupidly”) that can bite you in the backside. Talk less, but say more.
- Bridge back to your key points. The purpose of your presentation is to influence your audience and drive them to action. Never forget that. Use the audience’s questions to reinforce your key points, not to steer the boat in a completely different direction.
- Don’t let Q&A be the final word. Always have two closings. 1) The one that ends your prepared remarks before Q&A, and 2) the one that wraps everything up after Q&A. End with power and a strength of conviction that your message is high priority and actionable.
- Plan for hot topic tie-ins. You shouldn’t be surprised in today’s “anything goes” society. Think current events. What’s on people’s minds? Prepare, prepare, prepare.
As a communication coach, I guide senior executives in their high-profile presentations. As the day of their presentation draws near, I shift our focus from delivery of their key messages to preparation for high stakes Q&A. I ask every relevant question that I believe their audience might ask to ensure that the executive is influential in driving the ball forward, not backwards. Then, I slip on my broadcaster’s cap and link their topic to other hot-button topics. This is an eye-opening exercise for executives who tell me it has saved them from embarrassment, being at a loss for words, saying something they’d later regret, and a loss of leadership influence. It boosts their confidence to handle anything that comes their way.
My inner Girl Scout constantly whispers the motto “Be prepared” in my ear. Never has that been more essential than in today’s loosey-goosey world of Q&A.
Tags: Barack Obama, Cambridge police, Communication Skills, Confidence, Henry Louis Gates, Influence, James Crowley, Leadership, Presentation Skills, Press Conference, Q&A, Race Relations, Say More, Talk Less
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | 1 Comment »
Saturday, June 27th, 2009 by admin
You heard about the married politician caught trysting with his girlfriend in Argentina. On the day he was caught returning from his fun in the sun, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford held a hasty, free association press conference at the statehouse to drop the bomb.
Three words for you, Governor Sanford: Less is more.
His rambling admission of guilt was devastatingly wordy and bizarre. He dithered on about his love of hiking. He blathered about “sparking” with his “dear, dear friend” in Buenos Aires. At last, he meandered into a confession. After finally admitting to philandering, the governor presented his priorities wrong. He tearfully apologized for hurting his girlfriend before he expressed regret that his shameful behavior had damaged his wife and sons, and that he’d done the citizens of South Carolina wrong during his six-day disappearing act.
The governor showed us how not to meet the press.
As a leader, Sanford’s wordy discourse was far too long and misdirected. He needed to talk less and say more.
I hope you’ll never experience a moment of truth quite like this one in your career. However, as a leader you will be called upon to influence the thoughts and actions of others. Here are a few tips to help you influence intentionally:
- Don’t confuse talking with influencing. Most leaders think influence means showing up and giving a speech. They want to look good, sound intelligent, and come across as well as possible. However, the real goal of influence is to move people to commit to action. That means touching hearts and minds, not merely talking your way out of (or into) something.
- Don’t shoot for a quick fix. It’s not the short game that matters – it’s the long game. The Governor will learn this over the coming months as he’s judged by his constituents, citizens and family. A hastily arranged press conference (or meeting) solves nothing. When attendees are caught off guard, they can’t fully process the information you dump on them, which means that you’ve merely delayed the final outcome.
- Move people in the direction you desire. Communicate with purpose. Not just because you believe that a communication of some sorts is called for. The Governor was too quick on the trigger to address the media. His goal should have been to get the story out of the news, not to get tongues wagging and create even more drama.
- Cut the distractions. Did you see the young faces behind the governor as he spoke? They were smiling broadly as he choked up. How weird. Be aware of your surroundings during leadership communications – or make sure that someone else is watching out for you.
- Keep it brief and simple. The key to communication in the 21st century is brevity. Attention spans are collapsing. Demands on time are increasing. Master the complex business of simplicity. If you blather on, you risk losing people’s attention…and their respect.
Sanford’s Wall Street wife was far more succinct. Her statements to the press have been pithy, if a bit understandably passive-aggressive. So far, she’s winning the oh-so-polite war of words for public support.
Leadership communication is about aligning people to influence their thoughts and actions. I encourage you to be purposeful about communicating with influence. Take time to distill your message instead of being long-winded. In today’s world, saying less is truly more.
Tags: communication, Governor, Influence, Leadership, Mark Sanford, Press Conference, Rambling, South Carolina
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 by admin
The difference between winning and losing may come down to how people perceive the sound of your voice.
As a broadcaster, I spent many years in recording studios. I was astounded to learn there was a major difference between how my voice sounded inside my head…and the way it sounded when the engineer played back the recording. I didn’t come across nearly as energetic or upbeat as my voice sounded in my head. Instead, I sounded flat and bored. I had to learn to boost my energy level to compensate.
The same is likely true of your voice. You may be coming across as bored, disinterested, stiff or icy – even when you don’t intend to. Why is this critical? Because it has a direct impact on how others respond to you and your leadership.
Let’s take your outgoing voice mail message as a quick barometer. Ever listen to it? Most of us think the recording is distorted and doesn’t sound like us. We assume we sound much better in real life.
Sadly, we’re dead wrong.
Today’s digital doesn’t lie. The recording is far more accurate than the voice you hear inside your head. That’s because you have a distorted perception of how you sound. Why? Your head acts as an echo chamber. Your bones reverberate when you talk, so your voice sounds bigger, louder and more energetic inside your head than it does when it mixes with oxygen and others hear it.
Worried that you aren’t coming across well? Here are a few tips to help you stop repelling and start attracting with your voice:
- Use vocal variety. Don’t hypnotize or lull people to sleep by speaking in the same continuous tone. Sameness is the death of any speaker. Switch it up. Use all the range in your voice – highs, lows, and mid-tones.
- Shift the speed. Speed is another energy indicator. A constant rhythm is a sedative to the ears. Don’t drone on at the same pace. Shift between faster and slower speeds.
- Use shorter sentences. Some people sound boring because every sentence they speak is long. Toss in shorter sentences as often as you can. You’ll be amazed at how this breaks the monotony and makes people sit up and take notice.
- Use the “Power Pause.” After you make an important point, let it breathe. Don’t rush to fill the silence. People are intrigued by momentary silence, so throw in what I call the “Power Pause” when you need to command attention. Let a point sink in and you’ll gain power.
- Thin is not in. Your voice is shaped by breath support. Breathing too shallowly and speaking from the throat creates a thin, weak voice. Instead, breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Go to the gut. It can make your voice sound richer, more powerful, and a full register lower.
- Check your intensity. Sometimes you need to tone it down and not come on too strong – especially if you’re delivering bad or unwelcome news. Match your energy level to the specific situation.
Energy boosts likability, which is a key ingredient to generate commitment from others. Likability forms the framework for the rest of the signals people gather about you and the ideas that you communicate.
So improve your voice – and you’ll improve your ability to influence and make things happen.
Tags: Communication Skills, Energy Level, Leadership, presence, voice
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 2 Comments »
Thursday, March 19th, 2009 by admin
You’re a smart person. The axe is falling on leaders everywhere and you want to come across as valuable and indispensable, right? Here’s a quick cautionary tale to bullet-proof your credibility, straight from your TV.
Time for a how-not-to-do-it lesson from Jim Cramer, the host of CNBC’s Mad Money.
Did you see Cramer get smacked down by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show this month? The normally effusive Cramer transformed into a whipping boy, seriously undermining his credibility. After the smoke cleared, Cramer blamed his wimpy performance on his upbringing, saying he was raised “to take the high road.”
Jim, Jim, Jim. Think again. You allowed yourself to be mugged.
In today’s world, taking “the high road” means protecting your credibility (your brand) as well as that of your organization in a smart, thoughtful manner. A successful appearance either: A) enhances the brand, or B) protects the brand. If your integrity is being attacked, you must protect yourself or risk being roadkill. Let’s review where Cramer went wrong so you can avoid the same fate, whether you’re meeting the media or taking Q&A at a meeting:
Cramer agreed to a TV interview clearly billed as a “confrontation.” A duel. In that context, Stewart’s performance was dead-on. Cramer’s was dead-on-arrival.
A smackdown scenario could happen to you with an adversary, known or otherwise, in today’s one-up, know-it-all world. Here are two things you should not do:
- Don’t underestimate your opponent. Cramer pegged Jon Stewart as a late night comedian. A panty-weight opponent. Wrong. Jon Stewart is an ultra-smart, uber-influential man with a forum to express his viewpoints, for which he’s very passionate. Advice: Know thine enemy. Better to overestimate their savvy than underestimate it.
- Don’t think you can just “wing it.” For a prognosticator, Cramer was spectacularly short-sighted. Lack of preparation against an opponent is a death wish in today’s connected world. Cramer didn’t do his homework – he had no key messages. Thus, he had no influence. Stewart was locked and loaded: Cramer was shell-shocked. Advice: Be prepared to defend your point of view – deeply, clearly and influentially. Don’t allow yourself to be blind-sided and thrown off your game.
Wasn’t it amazing how Cramer groveled and went down in flames? The same thing could happen to you if you’re not prepared. Plenty of leaders are getting skewered – and damaged – by today’s empowered, informed audiences.
Bottom line – when profitability is on the line, you cannot “wing it” anymore. The best-prepared leader wins.
Take this to the bank: Poor preparation leads to poor outcomes, especially in a tough economic climate. Don’t become a casualty.
As a communication coach for leaders, I should send Jim Cramer a thank you card for painfully demonstrating my point.
Tags: Communication Skills, Jim Cramer, Jon Stewart, Leadership, Mad Money, Media Skills, Presentation Skills, The Daily Show, The Today Show
Posted in Communication Skills, E-Mail, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009 by admin
We’re living in a harsh, harsh world. I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can now get a daily dose of cheap shots here on the Internet. Follow the comment section after most web entries and you’ll find boatloads of hyper-critical, snarky comments. Turn on your TV and there it is again – the Simon Cowell effect – people openly judging and grading others harshly. Ouch.
As I’ve coached high-powered clients recently, I’ve been struck by a recurring, performance-draining concern that leaders share with me (and one I’ve faced, too) that craters confidence: fear of criticism. The fear that you won’t measure up to expectations and will be judged severely as a result.
Fear of criticism is like kryptonite to a leader.
It’s a powerful deterrent that drains your confidence and power. Sometimes your biggest critic is your own inner voice. Sometimes it’s others’ ruthless opinions. Either way, it leads to one of three depleting communication styles:
- Holding back instead of contributing, in order to avoid having your ideas criticized
- Being overly-defensive when well-meaning people offer useful suggestions, or
- Playing it too safe by communicating a boring, vanilla version of your ideas instead of aiming for outstanding.
Most leaders tell me their fear of criticism pre-dates the Internet. Some trace it back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that stuck in their heads like a broken record. Others say they witnessed tongue-lashings in the workplace and fear receiving the same fate, which causes them to lack confidence and reduce risks.
As an executive communication coach, I’ve learned there’s no connection between competence and confidence. Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by the secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
- Forget perfection, think excellence. High performers often strive for flawless, which means aiming for the impossible. Think excellence, instead, to get over that self-limiting hurdle. Give yourself permission to be your best at this moment, not the best of all time.
- Switch your focus from internal to external. You don’t want to hear this, but ego is involved. Often, a fear of criticism reveals that you’re too concerned with what others think of you. Turn it around. Manage your thoughts to concentrate on meeting your receiver’s needs, not on how they may be sizing you up.
- Don’t be an avoider. Criticism doesn’t have to actually occur to cause anxiety or injury. Perhaps that critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. Learn to face your fears. Starting today, create a positive inner daily dialogue to overrule and replace your hypercritical self-talk.
- Keep the criticizer’s goal in mind. Some bosses, clients and others may offer criticism because they want to help you perform at the top of your game. Their feedback may be intended solely to improve your performance, not to take a personal shot. Perhaps they’re sharing the wisdom of lessons learned.
- Resist the temptation to become defensive. Do you jump in and cut off criticism with knee-jerk reactions? If so, you may escalate the situation. Tough critics can grow more determined to zap you again next time. And in these cases, there will be a next time. Stay open-minded.
- Ask for clarification. One of the best aproaches to handle criticism is to listen carefully, let the person finish, and then ask for specific clarifications. That way, you hear their full point of view and stand the best chance to correct what’s may need to be fixed.
Learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of leadership and maturity. It communicates respect – both for yourself and the others who share their viewpoints.
Just don’t fall into the trap of doling out cruel criticisms youself. Shallow criticism without direction is a useless power play.
Tags: Communication Skills, Criticism, Executive Presence, Fear, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 2 Comments »
Sunday, January 18th, 2009 by admin
Out with the old, in with the new. As we say goodbye to George Bush and his colorful, sometimes mangled communications, (can you say misunderestimated?) we usher in a new era of oratory.
We’re shifting to a new Communicator-in-Chief. What do I mean by this? A Communicator-in-Chief is a leader whose messages are so pragmatic, on point, and invigorating that his words spark immediate actions. His/her messages unite, inspire and challenge others to reach their collective highest performance. Communicators-in-Chief make things happen. President Bush was at the top of his game when, with a bullhorn to his lips and a firefighter at his hip, he stood atop the rubble in New York City after 9/11 and rallied our country. Barack Obama promises to be an exceptional Communicator-in-Chief, which I’ll get to in a moment.
First, let’s focus on you. Are you a Communicator-in-Chief? You are if your job depends upon making things happen through others. There are three habits you must master to reach your highest performance:
- You must connect engagingly. It’s essential to engage others straight away in today’s distraction-driven, short attention span world. People tune out quickly today. You’ll attract and earn people’s attention by frontloading your communications with what’s truly relevant and matters most to them.
- You must convey clearly. We’re living in an information-overload society. Tossing too many facts and figures around is like adding empty junk food calories to your diet. Junk words dilute your message and lead to confusion, not clarity. You must make a conscious choice to pare down your words and deliver shorter, more visually stimulating messages if you want people to retain the information you share.
- You must convince specifically. It’s not the talk that matters, it’s the action. It’s critical that you be ultra-specific about the step you want people to take. Now is not the time for assumptions or vagueness. What, precisely, do you want others to do? Make your viewpoint or request utterly actionable because that’s the key to making things happen without delay in our busy world.
Develop these three habits and you’ll set in motion a transformative process to ensure that people listen to you, understand you, and take action. (These are the principles in my forthcoming book, Talk Less, Say More, which will be in bookstores this fall.)
Incoming President-Elect Barack Obama has so far been an extraordinary Communicator-in-Chief which, ironically, his detractors hold against him. His critics call him “Mr. Podium.” They argue that he merely talks a good game. I’m not buying that. While I agree that blowhards are not true leaders, from what I’ve seen, Obama’s no blowhard. His words are based on visions that are implemented to unite and inspire action. Isn’t that the opposite of empty rhetoric? Far from merely talking a good game, if you communicate your visions effectively, action is the endgame.
Top Communicators-in-Chief also choose interactive formats to help others feel invested and make their messages people-powered. In 2009, YouTube is the new fireside chat. LinkedIn is the new press release. Bloggers are the new reporters. Tweeters are the new cheerleaders. Barack Obama’s team wisely used interactive tools to unite and invite voters to the polls. Even better, his incoming administration is promising to remake the stodgy White House website to invite citizens’ feedback.
What about you? Are you using the right tools to communicate your messages in the 21st century … or are you stuck in one-way, old-school memo style? Your messages can trigger immediate feedback in the Age of Input which, if you’re smart, will supplement and improve your decision-making.
My challenge to you is this: develop your skills to inspire, unite, and move others to action. Choose a communication habit to improve (connect, convey, or convince) and write down 3 things you’ll start doing immediately to master the habit. Take these steps, and you’ll be on your way to becoming an exceptional Communicator-in-Chief.
Yes, you can.
Tags: Barack Obama, Communication Skills, Executive Presence, George Bush, Leadership
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Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 by admin
News reports throughout the weekend referred to Jett Travolta as “the son of John Travolta” and called the boy’s death “The John Travolta Tragedy.” The boy’s mother was an afterthought in the news reports, if she was even mentioned at all.
I realize this is the power of celebrity – John Travolta is a bigger star than his wife, and reporters habitually zero in on the most popular person. But it still struck me as shallow. Kelly Preston’s contributions and grief as the boy’s mother were minimized by small-minded reporting.
That’s why I was heartened when both stars’ websites released a carefully-crafted, heartfelt statement calling Jett “the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for.” Did you catch that? Two parents. It was a subtle, but clear message to reporters that parents aren’t soloists, despite the fact that one partner may be more visible than the other.
What does this have to do with your leadership communication? Everything. It’s very telling whether you have a pattern of sharing credit with others … or whether you hog the limelight for yourself, even inadvertently.
Successful leadership is a joint venture. Always. The very concept of leadership presupposes teamwork. It’s important that you don’t monopolize the credit, but share it with others generously. That you recognize, praise and reward others.
Study the most successful coaches in professional sports and you’ll see this principal in action. Top coaches know that recognition motivates others to perform at their highest levels. When teams win, coaches generously tell the world what a great job their players did. If they’re really savvy, their praise is specific. They don’t hog the credit. And when their teams lose, savvy coaches don’t duck. They face the flack, shoulder the responsibility and take the blame publicly.
As a leader, you must decide early on how you want to play this. Will you share credit or hog it? Will you accept blame or point fingers? The people on your team who help you achieve your goals will grow tired of never getting credit for their contributions. They will grow disheartened, start grumbling and eventually, they will quit.
We all inherently want and need to be recognized for our contributions. If you don’t communicate your praise out loud, how are others to know that you’re grateful?
The wise person knows that acknowledging the contributions of others is key. A true leader spreads praise and credit and, in return, is rewarded with loyalty.
Tags: communication, Jett Travolta, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Leadership, Share Credit
Posted in Communication Skills, Leadership | 3 Comments »
Monday, December 29th, 2008 by admin
Game over. Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner moved swiftly to fire his front office following the final, crushing loss of the season. He cut general manager Phil Savage loose by phone after Sunday’s defeat, and then sacked coach Romeo Crennel the next morning. Most Joes and pros alike support Lerner’s moves because the team under-performed in humiliating fashion this season.
What caused the under-performance? The failure can be traced to the top. Browns insiders say Phil Savage lacked more than just scoreboard numbers. They say he was woefully deficient in communication and leadership skills.
I believe communication and leadership are joined at the hip. The leader is communicator-in-chief. And I don’t mean giving speeches. The first thing any leader delivers is culture. It’s the leaders responsibility to create a winning culture. The championship mindset begins with an open, clear communication path that cascades throughout the organization. Information must flow freely in both directions, with candor and clarity. Without this, organizations unravel and under-perform.
Savage’s leadership communication style smacked of rookie. He created distractions for the players and coaching staff and drew too much attention to himself. Two examples were a public spat with tight end Kellen Winslow over releasing information about team staph infections, and a profane e-mail exchange with a fan.
The Browns organization created a new playbook in how not to communicate. Faced with a leadership communication vacuum, bad habits prevailed as people jockeyed for position, covered their butts, withheld information, took pot shots, or became long-winded. Lacking direction, everyone freestyled their communication. Clearly, the results were disastrous.
This is not to say the dreadful season was all Savage’s fault. The NFL is famous for its revolving door and zero job security. Players are paid to hit, hit, hit. The front office is paid to replace, replace, replace. Stress levels are through the roof as everyone in the organization faces store-window scrutiny and is all too aware of the disposable nature of their job. It’s a challenge to motivate and inspire self confidence.
Here’s where it spiraled out of control: Savage confused leadership with power. The two couldn’t be more different. Leadership means elevating others’ performances, making the whole greater than the sum of its parts. Power, on the other hand, means “me, first.” It’s a narcissistic, alpha-male act that leads others to under-perform. The quest for personal power destroys trust, triggering the team to be less than the sum of its parts.
Savage’s football skills led him to the job. His lack of leadership communication tackled him from behind.
I believe this leadership meltdown is a forehead-slapping moment of clarity. It takes more than talent to reach the top of any profession. This is Randy Lerner’s chance to smack it through the middle of the uprights in Cleveland, to attain the level of success he’s enjoyed recently with his English soccer club.
It starts with hiring a leader who will make creating a winning culture his first priority.
Tags: Cleveland Browns, communication, culture, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Leadership, Media Skills | 1 Comment »
Thursday, December 11th, 2008 by admin
Today is Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich 52nd birthday. The gift to his state? His arrest. Wiretaps show he’s a profanely arrogant, self-absorbed man with a supreme sense of entitlement. The U.S. Attorney’s office says he tried to sell Obama’s vacated Senate seat and demanded campaign contributions in return for state funding.
His relentless pursuit of power and financial gain are disgustingly blatant abuses of the privilege of leadership. Clearly, he’s the sinner in this tale.
Now, let’s contrast that with the leadership saint. His name is Kent Clapp. Many of you outside of Ohio don’t know Kent – and sadly, you’ll never get the chance. Clapp, the CEO of Ohio’s largest insurance company, died last week trying to keep his commitments to community and company. After he missed his flight from the British Virgin Islands to Puerto Rico at the end of a brief, well-deserved vacation, Kent found a private pilot to fly him to Puerto Rico so he could still catch his scheduled commercial flight home to North America. Never mind that he was fearful of small, private planes. 
He was trying to get back to the office for a meeting with a community leader the next morning and for his company’s annual Christmas party that night.
The private plane, apparently lost in heavy fog, crashed into the side of a mountain. Kent Clapp was dead at age 62.
Why did he board the small plane if he was wary of them? Because as a leader, Kent never let anyone down. He didn’t want to miss a meeting on his calendar. And, contrasted with the governor of Illinois, he never asked for anything in return.
Kent Clapp turned Medical Mutual around by assuming the leadership helm when the company was in turmoil ten years ago. Prior to that, he’d patiently worked his way up through the ranks, thirty years in all. Once he was named CEO, he guided the company’s 2,700 employees to blossom into a highly successful organization that, at the time of his death, had expanded to eight states.
Everyone in the organization loved him, from his executive team to the janitorial staff. He insisted everyone call him Kent, not Mr. Clapp. He always had time for everyone. He was accessible and thoughtful. Not a hint of leadership arrogance.
Kent will be laid to rest this week. He leaves behind a legacy of unselfish leadership along with a family of six children. A heartfelt goodbye to Kent Clapp.
As for Illinois Governor Blagojevich? He’ll be remembered as a brazenly selfish wheeler dealer. Let’s say good riddance to the sinful man who’s now clinging to power. True leadership is not about power. As we learned from Kent Clapp, leadership means integrity, commitment and putting others before yourself.
Tags: Governor Rod Blagojevich, Kent Clapp, Leadership
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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 by admin
As I watched President-Elect Obama’s news conference announcing his national security team nominees this morning, it reminded me of why I sat on a phone book behind the anchor desk.
Let me explain why I boosted my butt on a book first, and then I’ll link it to today’s news conference and your executive presence.
In 20 years of anchoring the news, I was paired with lots of male co-anchors. Some of these guys were a foot taller than me. Television news sets were designed and constructed by men, with the desk height created to comfortably seat and showcase an anchorman’s long torso. If I, at 5 feet, 5 inches, planted my tush squarely on the chair seat beside the man, I would came off looking like his little sister. My head would reach his shoulders. So I decided to even the playing field. I boosted my butt in order to have an equal “seat at the table” in the eyes of viewers.
I didn’t let my diminutive frame diminish my executive presence.
Now let me link this to today’s news conference. Obama spoke first, so the podium microphone was set for his height. Hillary Clinton spoke next. She had enough experience to move the double mic down a few inches so it didn’t hide her face in the press photos. Good move, Hillary.
Then we come to Susan Rice, the United Nations ambassador nominee. When Rice, a brilliant Rhodes Scholar, stepped to the microphone as the final nominee, she sounded smart, but looked silly. The microphone came all the way up to her eyeballs, totally obliterating her face. Now picture the scene in your mind: it was a double microphone. Two black spheres. Each microphone hid an eyeball. As her head bobbed up and down reading her script, the hardware danced from her eyeballs to her forehead. It was almost comical, making it hard to concentrate on a word she said. If I was her coach, I would’ve advised her to adjust the microphone in order to safeguard her dignity and allow people to concentrate on her intellect and her message, not be distracted by the silly scene.
My point: people’s perception of your presence can elevate your leadership, or diminish it. Be conscious of how your physical presence is coming across and take action, whether that means moving microphones or sitting taller. The eyes trump the ears. Help people listen to your message.
Tags: Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Obama
Posted in Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 by admin
Like you, I’ve paid close attention to Barack Obama. As a communication coach, I’ve specifically zeroed in on his ability to get his points across and move people to action.
From a communication perspective, Obama won the race because he successfully applied 3 habits. They’re simple, but profound habits: He connected. He conveyed. He convinced.
These habits are a playbook for business leaders around the world. I could write a book on them. Matter of fact, I have. Talk Less, Say More is scheduled to be released in 2009. Let me summarize these habits quickly by highlighting just a few ways that Obama applied them successfully:
Habit #1: Connect. One of the biggest issues facing any leader today is to engage people in our distraction-driven, listening-impaired, short attention span world. Barack Obama’s campaign connected with what Americans wanted and valued most. He stayed in our moment and tapped into our hot-button issue, the economy. And he delivered it with what I call your PMOC: your Preferred Method of Communication. Early on, his team went digital, using 21st century methods to a wildly successful advantage. For example, Obama’s team text-messaged better than any teenager I’ve ever seen. (And I’m raising two of the most prolific texters in America.) He also engaged us by bringing us together, habitually stressing the United States, not merely red and blue states.
Habit #2: Convey. It’s a real challenge to cut through today’s information overload. Getting your point across requires clarity in order to prevent confusion. Obama learned to make his points with vivid clarity, avoiding ambiguity. Maybe you don’t agree with his viewpoints, but he conveys them transparently, without gumming them up. Storytelling is a key, and Obama’s story was one of humble origins. His campaign was full of stirring videos and his infomercial, watched by more than 32 million people last week, weaved a “my story is your story” narrative to convey that he understands your economic fears and other concerns like health care.
Habit #3: Convince. People are pulled in so many directions today, both in the office and in the voting booth, that it’s a challenge to sway them. As a leader, it’s critical to move people to commit to action. Decisiveness is one of the keys. And Obama is a master decision maker. He allows others to speak their minds, and then he makes the decision. No second-guessing. No waffling. He sticks with his decisions, which sways others to join him. I believe the debates put Obama over the top by demonstrating his decisiveness and calm demeanor. He also capitalized on what I call “peer power.” He gained clout by bringing well-connected people like Oprah Winfrey, Ted Kennedy, Warren Buffett, and Colin Powell into his corner and allowing them to transfer their clout to him.
John McCain used these 3 habits in his concession speech last night, as well. Didn’t you think it was one of the most touching, unifying speeches in political history?
Can you use these habits in the business world? Yes, you can. You can Connect-Convey-Convince® your way to success.
Tags: Barack Obama, Communication Skills, Connect, Convey, Convince, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 by admin
Would Your Peers Vote For Your Leadership?
You thought this day would never come, but it’s finally here. Election day. You’ve chosen the leader who makes the most sense to you. But now, let’s focus on your leadership. Are you the chosen one among your peers? If there were a vote today on what you have to offer, would others willingly cast their ballots and commit to you? In other words, does your leadership inspire or repel?
The first step to gain commitment is to connect with your target audience. To engage them. We, collectively as Americans, got engaged when Wall Street collapsed and our personal financial security was at risk. So I ask you this: how good are you at engaging the people whom you lead or wish to lead?
Need a tip on how to connect better? Here’s one: pay attention to what they pay attention to. People are engaged by what they want and value. They pay close attention to those things and act upon them.
In order to strengthen your leadership ask yourself this: do you tap into people’s specific needs and values? In my executive coaching practice, I’ve seen many leaders delude themselves into thinking they know what people want. They assume they know. Unfortunately, they’re often wrong. The solution is simple but profound: Listen and watch carefully for what your target audience wants and values. The answers are hidden in plain sight.
If you pay attention to what they pay attention to, you’ll get a clear picture of how to engage people. And engagement is the first step to earn a positive response, in the voting booth and in your workplace.
Tags: Connecting, Election, Leadership
Posted in Leadership | 2 Comments »
Saturday, September 27th, 2008 by admin
How do you undercut your message without opening your mouth? Leadership means managing your energy level as well as your words in order to influence peoples’ decisions, behaviors and actions. Want to trigger a positive response? Radiate positive energy when your mouth is shut. Want a negative reaction? You’ll soon learn how to spread bad vibes.
Let’s review how this worked in recent high profile cases. Were you influenced by watching the candidates’ personal warmth in round one of the presidential debates? Sure you were. Same with the economic turmoil. You’ve either been inspired or turned off by leaders’ energy levels and body language.
Just for fun, let’s go negative for a moment, shall we? Here are 5 surefire ways to trigger a negative response without opening your mouth:
- Ignore others in the room. Go ahead – ice others in an effort to diminish them. Granted, sometimes it’s inadvertent. You may just be nervous, so you fail to acknowledge others. But sometimes, the deep freeze is purposeful. You may avoid eye contact in an effort to dismiss people you feel superior to. Whatever the intent, icing people backfires. You’re the one who takes the hit, because you unwittingly come across as condescending or angry. Best to respectfully acknowledge and address the people with whom you disagree.
- Look like you don’t care. People form opinions about you with a quick glance at your face. They eyeball your mug, interpret its meaning and respond accordingly. You may be sending the wrong signal with a dour-looking expression, one that looks like you smelled something bad. Some of the world’s most successful leaders share warm facial expressions. They appear open and agreeable and benefit from it.
- Slap on a one-size-fits-all intensity level. Sometimes you need to tone it down and not come on too strong – especially when you’re conveying bad or unwelcome news. At other times, you need more intensity, such as in a presentation when you’re trying to inspire. Match your intensity to the specific situation.
- Bounce your lower body habitually. This is where many people need to tone it down. Pacing back
and forth or bouncing your legs or feet are very distracting and make it difficult for others to focus on your words. Keep the lower body quiet in order to give power to your presence.
- Plaster on a smile. You’ve heard many times that you should smile. But the truth is, it has to be a genuine smile, or it can backfire on you. Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it; neither do contempt smiles. They’re toxic. Genuine smiles have a powerful effect because they increase your likability. People will cut you some slack if your emotions appear to be heartfelt.
The question is, how does your energy level com across to others? Do others define you as energetic? Stiff Engaging? Disinterested? Angry? Icy? As you know, when you communicate with someone, it’s not just the words you choose that send a message. People monitor the non-verbal signals you send. Your intensity, facial expressions, eye contact and body language all send signals that influence others’ decisions and actions.
The vibes you send are crucial for this reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Energy feeds on itself. Energized people create energy and engagement in others. If you look and sound engaged and self-assured, people will respond more positively to you. If you look off-putting, you’ll induce bad vibes and negative responses.
Tags: communication, effective, Energy Level, Engagement, Leadership, Media, sincerity
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills | No Comments »
Monday, August 25th, 2008 by admin
By now you’ve probably heard that politician John Edwards diagnosed himself as a narcissist when he was caught cheating on his wife. Chances are you’re dealing with a narcissist in the workplace, too.
I’m seeing an alarming increase in self-absorbed people causing chaos throughout organizations. Their grandiose self-importance, sense of entitlement, impulsiveness, and explosive anger towards anyone who doesn’t treat them like royalty are harming corporate cultures, retention and productivity. One minute, they’re charming and the next, they’re in meltdown mode, tossing verbal grenades and howling at the moon.
So how do you communicate with a peer whose ego is so inflated they think they’re above the rules? A person who’s intolerant to setbacks, lacks empathy, is impulsive, and lashes out at any slight, real or imagined? Here are 5 quick tips to help you manage a narcissist on the job or at home:
- Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. Better to offer them options to choose from rather than feed them ready-made decisions that they’ll tear apart. Choosing from options helps them feel in control and respected. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
- Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are and watch them perform. Like Pavlov’s dog – it’s that easy. Better yet, praise them in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
- Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. If this is what gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on and, wink-wink, you’ll make things happen as they feed their ego.
- Define, don’t defend. When you explain a challenge to a narcissist, focus on the solution rather than allowing them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Don’t put blood in the water or the shark will tear you apart.
- Fill in the blind spot. Narcissists lack empathy. It doesn’t occur to them to consider your feeling or viewpoints. They’re so caught up in their own world that your needs are not on the radar screen. They don’t mean to disregard you – it’s just a blind spot. This means you’re in charge of putting your feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about it and brace yourself for guilt trips and disparaging criticism if your needs don’t align with theirs.
Tags: communication, Egomaniac, narcissism, narcissist
Posted in Communication Skills, Leadership | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 by admin
Warren Buffett, Master Storyteller
One of the world’s richest men is a master storyteller. Coincidence? Not a chance. Warren Buffett, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, ditches dry facts and replaces them with stories.
Why does America’s most successful investor bother to generate stories? Because he knows the return on investment. Stories create clarity, not confusion. Buffett purposefully uses storytelling as a form of knowledge management. And you should, too. You may be a humdrum storyteller right now, but you can improve with a few quick tips:
1. Tell success stories. What successes can you identify in your organization or your personal dealings? How have people benefitted as a result? This is the meat of a good business story.
2. Your story must be significant. Spell out what has changed for the better. Link your tale to concrete outcomes and it will gain weight and significance. It will matter.
3. Your story should resonate. It must be truthful enough to shake the skeptics and reveal a universal truth that motivates people to act. Aim to strike a chord with your audience, instead of merely being an historian.
4. Your story must sound distinctive. If it sounds like the same-old, same-old, it will be ignored. Copycat versions of someone else’s story leave people feeling cheated. Okay, your story can have a familiar ring to it, but it should be distinctive enough to compel a new a-ha moment.
5. End on a positive note. Leave your listeners feeling good. End with a purpose: define the lesson learned and the way forward. This will give your story a long shelf life and lead to positive results.
Tags: communication, Leadership, Point, Storytelling, Warren Buffet
Posted in Communication Skills, Leadership, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Saturday, April 5th, 2008 by admin
Are You on the Eight Ball?
Here are my Top 8 Communication Skills of ‘08 to help you reach your highest performance:
1. Nail the big idea, pronto. You’re living in an impatient, short attention span world. Capture and summarize the critical essence of your message quickly. Make sure your big idea is crystal clear before diving into the nitty gritty details so you don’t distract others with small details.
2. Aim for the heart, not the head. Spewing endless factoids leaves people cold. And bored. Get real with the power of emotional appeal and you’ll motivate people to commit to action. Instead of trying to share everything you know in a single bound, light a fire under people by concentrating on their feelings first. The heart trumps the head.
3. Capitalize on peer power. Why go it alone? Our world is now ultra-connected and you should be, too, both online and in person. You’ll gain clout by bringing well-connected people into your corner. Let other smart, respected pros transfer their clout to you. They’ll help you build influence and make things happen much faster than you could by flying solo.
4. There’s no off-switch in the age of speed. Your words and actions now spread at the speed of light. Every communication has the potential to elevate or sink you because every utterance, every writing can build you up or do damage. There are no irrelevant interviews or presentations anymore. It all matters.
5. Positive wins, so radiate confident energy. Strive to inspire hope and instill pride. Deep down, we want hope for a positive future. Radiate likability and enthusiasm, even on difficult days when you’re worn down. Listen actively and convey positive interest and optimism.
6. Forget perfect. Be relatable. Stop worrying about being flawless and an amazing transformation will occur. People will start relating to you and rooting for you to win. Gone are the days when people bought in to the illusion of perfection. Let it go. People see right though the veneer. They now value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Think excellence instead of perfection.
7. Create shortcuts. Who has time for long-winded messages anymore? Nobody. We’re all too slammed with work. Provide shortcuts and you’ll be rewarded with quicker decisions and action. Use shorter, punchier sentences. Graphics. Clips. Bullets. Pictures. Brevity is the new black.
8. Think the new PC: Performance Candor. Stop sugarcoating and holding back for fear that people won’t like you. Get important issues on the table tactfully and kindly, and admit the truth if it helps improve business performance. Hiding bad news is terribly damaging to both your business and your well-being.
Tags: 2008, Communication Skills, Performance
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Being a confident communicator who influences others is a choice you make each and every day. Every time you attempt to sell an idea, product, or service, you can choose to:
